You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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