If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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