can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
