and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
