naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
