Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
