also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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