She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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