I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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