the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
