My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have fence marks all over my body
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
