After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
