I wannas sexs uuuuu
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
