weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
