do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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