I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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