He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
