i already hear my dad disowning me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
