well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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