worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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