he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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