I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
