i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
