I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize