Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
