no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
