Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
