where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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