I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize