Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
