oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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