He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
