Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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