Do you still have your period?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
