are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
