I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
