Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
