Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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