I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
