sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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