i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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