I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
