One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
