Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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