vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
