Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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