just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
