my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
