Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize