would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
