I accidentally burped into my bong.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
