thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I deserve this hangover.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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