weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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