i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
