I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize