watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
