My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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