so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
