he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
