haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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