Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
