i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
