marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
