I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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