Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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