Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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