I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
